Saved, Single, and Not Ashamed

There’s a quiet shame many Christian singles carry, especially the grown ones.

It’s not the loud, obvious kind of shame...

It’s the subtle kind.

The kind that creeps in when another engagement announcement pops up.

When your best friend asks you to be her maid of honor, and you haven't been on a date in 3 years.

Or your boy tells you about the great conversation he and his wife had last night.

The kind we experience when someone asks,

“So… are you dating anyone?” or

“You’re great...why are you still single?”

And you think to yourself, “Yeah, why am I still single?”

Personally, I used to think that singleness was a curse and marriage a blessing, and until you got married, you were cursed.

But let me say this plainly:

Regardless of whether you're a never married, divorced, or widow(er), you are adored.

Singleness, or the state of being unmarried, doesn't determine your worth, value, attractiveness, or worthiness...

And it is certainly not something to be ashamed of.

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Singleness Is Not a Punishment

There’s a lie floating around Christian spaces...unspoken, but powerful:

“If you were more obedient, more surrendered, more patient…

you’d be married by now.”

That lie can make you question your faith, your worth, and even God’s favor on your life.

But Scripture tells a different story.

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.”— Lamentations 3:25

Waiting is not punishment.

Waiting is not God is withholding good from you.

Waiting is not proof that something is wrong with you.

One of the things that I have come to realize is that if I had gotten married in my 20’s or 30’s, I would be divorced by now...because I was NOT ready.

In my waiting season, God has transformed me...

He's transformed my thinking,

so many of my behaviors,

my attachment style,

my confidence,

how I speak to people,

how I connect with people.

I truly have grown and healed in so many ways.

And sometimes what seems like the “waiting season” is the place where God is doing His deepest work.

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You Can Love God Deeply and Still Desire Marriage

Another harmful narrative that I have heard says that Jesus should be enough...

And if you truly loved and truly trusted God, you wouldn’t want marriage so badly.

As if desire itself is a lack of faith.

But one of the scriptures that has spoken volumes to me is

“Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.”— Genesis 2:18 (AMPC)

That verse lets me know that God himself, who walked and talked with Adam in the garden personally, didn't think that it was good, sufficient, or satisfactory for Adam to be alone.

So why then would he punish me for having the desire for companionship?

God created us with the desire for connection, partnership, and intimacy.

How else would we “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28)

Marriage is called good.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”— Proverbs 18:22

And the desire for it is not wrong or sinful.

IDOLIZING it, lusting after it, craving it, being consumed by it, being jealous of those who have, yeah that's wrong, babe.

But simply desiring something that God said is good is not sinful.

And wanting human companionship does not make you weak or less spiritual.

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Singleness Is Not a Waiting Room

Many unmarried singles unconsciously feel like their life hasn't begun or like their life is on pause...they are waiting for it to begin.

Society and even church culture have echoed this sentiment.

I’ll start traveling when I get married.

I will start investing when I get married...

I will feel confident when I’m married.

I’ll feel secure when I’m chosen.

I’ll start living fully once this season is over.

But singleness is not the preface to your story; it’s a whole chapter.

And this chapters matter.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”— Ephesians 2:10

You are not half-formed.

You are not incomplete.

You are not on layaway until marriage arrives.

God has a plan for you and things for you to accomplish TODAY.

God is shaping you now...your discernment, your boundaries, your voice, your confidence, your dependence on Him.

You are supposed to be making an impact for His kingdom TODAY.

Why are you waiting to make an impact?

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What Should You Be Doing Now?

Not waiting.

Not shrinking.

Not apologizing for where you are.

You should be becoming.

This season is not about killing your desire for marriage; it’s about stewarding your life well before it arrives.

So what does that look like in real life?

1. Do the Inner Work You Won’t Have Time to Do Later

Marriage doesn’t slow life down; it multiplies it.

Now is the time to:

• heal attachment patterns

• learn how to communicate honestly and directly

• build emotional regulation

• strengthen discernment so you don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility

  
  

Not because you’re “not ready,” but because wholeness is wisdom.

2. Build a Full Life, Not a Placeholder One

Stop treating your life like it hasn’t started yet.

Travel now.

Invest now.

Start the business.

Say yes to purpose-driven opportunities.

Deepen friendships.

Care for your body.

Develop your gifts.

Marriage should join a full life, not rescue you from an empty one.

3. Practice Alignment, Not Attachment

Dating right now isn’t about finding anyone.

It’s about learning to:

• move slowly

• listen to peace

• walk away when alignment isn’t there

• choose character over potential

Every “no” that honors God is preparing you for the right “yes.”

4. Make an Impact Where You Are

You are not benched until marriage.

God has assignments for you now.

People to serve.

Voices to influence.

Work to do.

Love to give.

You are supposed to be making an impact for His kingdom today, not someday.

5. Trust God Without Putting Your Life on Hold

Trusting God doesn’t mean suspending joy.

It means saying:

“God, I desire marriage, but I refuse to pause my purpose while I wait.”

Singleness is not a delay tactic.

It’s a developmental season.

And you don’t graduate from it by waiting quietly, you grow through it by living fully.

Much love,

Jasmine